If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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