well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
