How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
