you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
