So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
