Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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