fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
