The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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