What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
