connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
