He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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