God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
