i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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