please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
