Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
