dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
