official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
