community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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