I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
