is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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