It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm just crazy horny about you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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