dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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