Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
