I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
