i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
