My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
