So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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