This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
