Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
