Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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