I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
