great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
