apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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