Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
