Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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