Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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