I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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