im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
