last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize