My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
