Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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