tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
