First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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