Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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