the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
