At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
