i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
