3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
