I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
