you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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