Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
