she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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