once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He did a backflip because drugs
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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