What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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