i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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