can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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