We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
