I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
