The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
