Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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