I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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