i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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