The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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