This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
