I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
