No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
