Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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