2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
