I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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