every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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